I recently learned within my r/keto community that — just like Fight Club — the first rule of keto is you don’t talk about keto.
Except, I can’t not talk about keto. It consumes me. Maybe this will get easier? But 8 months down the road, and it’s still one giant experiment.
I’ve noticed a cycle where I’m pumped on keto and in a groove, or I am in a deep pit of resentment and hate everything about it. Usually the hatred arrives around the same time I’m out of fresh groceries and am frustrated by the (lack of) options available to me. Or when I’m sick of the hard work it takes to follow a restrictive diet.
That’s what it all really boils down to. I am SO OVER the work.
On a grander scale, this isn’t just about keto either. It’s about my existence as a human being. All the hard work that goes into (try to) be a better version of yourself than the day before. I wish I could just coast on the previous day’s hard work, but the truth is, things go to shit when I start to relax the standards I set for myself.
“Oh, I don’t feel like exercising today, I’ll do that tomorrow,” turns into, “Why am I so anxious and why do I have all this nervous energy?!”
“I’m too tired to meal plan right now, I’ll do it later,” turns into, “Why isn’t there any #^!(@*& food in this #($(*#@&$*#(& house?!” (Be afraid of my hanger.)
Back, in March I noted the following to myself:
Hell yes I don’t want to do it. Every day, I don’t want to do the things. But if I don’t do the things, what I’m really doing is telling myself that I’m not worth it.
And I fucking am.
I have spent too much time of my life feeling that I was not worth it; that I was not enough. Unlearning that has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I am enough.
I am worth.
Do the things.
So yeah. Just a reminder (to myself mostly) to do the damn things.