CT results, why Trader Joe’s is my life force, and the life-long lesson of letting things go

Isn’t it remarkable how a simple test result can pivot your entire mood?

I mean, certainly, waiting for a CT result is by no means simple, but hearing the words “no evidence of disease” changes, well, everything.

I didn’t realize how much anxiety I was carrying. I knew I was on edge, but it wasn’t apparent just HOW MUCH I was worried. It feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

That feeling is fleeting, because there’s always another test coming, but right now I’m basking in the glory of the results. A moment in the sunshine until the work continues.

Guess this means I’ll be sticking to keto a little longer…

Speaking of which: I reached a breaking point last week with keto.

Actually, let me back up.

I reached a breaking point in life about a month ago, when we were preparing for a house swap with Kenji’s parents. We renovated our condo with a new master bathroom and painted the entire house. All within a a few weeks of the move. If that wasn’t enough to get on with, our kitchen sink overflowed with gray water from our upstairs neighbor’s plumbing “fix” and we had to rip out and replace our flooring while in the midst of the other renovations.


And thus, brought on so. many. panic attacks.

Those close to me know I have a hard time asking for help or delegating (#becausecontrol; something I’m working on in 2018), so I acknowledge that much of my stress was self-made.

I told myself that once we got past the move, I’d be fine.


We immediately started kitchen renovations at our new place.

And were woefully unprepared for what having no kitchen (namely, the sink) meant.

Which brings me back to my original statement. Last week, I was angry at the work it takes to stick with keto. I even started telling myself that if the CT scan didn’t show any difference, I was going to blow up this diet idea and eat all the goddamn ice cream I could get my hands on.

If it hadn’t been for my incredible mother-in-law — who has been feeding us each night — I might have gone off the keto rails.

The truth is, it’s not about keto. Well, not entirely. It’s really about allowing a hundred little tiny annoyances pile up, instead of just letting that shit go. Instead, every new small annoyance turned into an immediate rage maker. (IKEA file cabinet, I’m looking at you.)

Keto has been a source of stress since the beginning. So, OF COURSE adding other stressors is going to make things worse. I mean, DUH.

We’re still another week away before we have a functioning kitchen. And as I was planning my week, which typically includes a meal plan, I couldn’t continue with “fuck it” as the answer to our food needs.

Which is how a trip to Trader Joe’s saved my sanity. We made a haul out of their frozen foods and refrigerated goodies. (Pork belly, rack of lamb, scallops & mushroom, creme fraîche, paté, chunks of coconut…)

I guess the whole point of this story is simply to remember that you can ask for help. One of the biggest reasons I often don’t is because I feel like I’m being a burden. But my people love me (and your people love you) and they want to help, more often than not.

Another lesson in all of this is to recognize the source of stress, and if you can do something about it, change it. And if you can’t, change your attitude.

No kitchen = no sink = doing dishes SUCKS = find easy-to-prepare foods. Instead of just saying “We’ll figure it out” and being mad when that doesn’t work out so well.

Also, the kitchen is starting to look like a kitchen! So that makes me happy.



Sidebar: I’d like to add, that I know this is SO #firstworldproblems. I’m lucky and grateful for these problems. But sometimes, we need to vent and self-reflect.

13 thoughts on “CT results, why Trader Joe’s is my life force, and the life-long lesson of letting things go

  1. Great read you have so much to share I have so much to learn … like letting little things go .. thanks for this and thanks for making me look in the mirror and make some changes

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As I tell other people–if you’re holding onto “stuff” (stress, anxiety, too many tiny things, none of which matters on its own)…you can’t hold your hands out to receive the blessings the Goddess (whatever you call her, it, him) wants to pour out upon you.
    Or perhaps, and more to the point: “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And remember: it’s ALL small stuff.”
    Besides, your test is clear now. What you’ve been doing (keto, cough cough) has been working. Focus on that–as I know you are.
    House renovations look amazing. And before you know it, you’ll be living in the house like you’ve been living there your whole life.
    Keep on keeping on. Each moment offers the chances for blessings…look for them, they will be there.
    Hugs for you and Kenji, and as you work on the kitchen, begin planning the first party you’ll be preparing in this fabulous new space!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ditto to Julie’s comment about “yes, yes” for the test results. Ecstatic is the word that comes to my mind. So much work on your part that has paid off!! (There’s a lesson in there somewhere.) So many life lessons we struggle with that you are meeting head on and I do so admire you.. Much love and many hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It indeed seems that everyone who has written before me, has said it all. So, I will simply say, DITTO, Ditto, and ditto to all. And, you inspire me every single day. And, oh yes…I love you. Keep on teaching us how to live our lives. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so glad you got great results! Keto is hard, like, really hard, but I’m glad you’ve found your groove. I still have my moments, but overall I have stuck with it and done fairly well. Our lifesaver has been an electric spiralizer. 4 Zucchinis spiralized in just minutes. So much easier! That and the frozen cauliflower rice at Costco. 4 pounds for 8.99.
    Also, can we stop for a moment and drool over the kitchen?!? Grey cabinets are my dream!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Christie! It is SO hard, and not having a kitchen sucks. I LOVE my spiralizer! We made pesto “pasta” before the move and I can’t wait to do so again once the kitchen is complete. We’ve discovered the cauliflower rice, but haven’t found those cheese chips you recommended! I make my own though, and they’re super easy and store well in the fridge. They’re just time consuming. I’ll have to post a “recipe” — lol. Shred cheese. Bake it at 375 for 13-18 minutes. (Depends on cheese and your temp.)
      And HELL YES we can stop and drool over the kitchen! I’ve been lusting after gray cabinets for years! So excited. 🙂 ❤


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