The Final Push

I know the chemo is starting to wane when I can finally read my Facebook newsfeed without immediately wanting to throw up. It’s a little test I give myself in the morning, and this morning I passed!

Yesterday morning, not so much. For the first time since Round 2, I woke up to throw up and spent the rest of the morning and day pretty miserable. I had a REALLY good weekend though, so that sort of balances it out, in my opinion. (It’s all relative.)

Tomorrow is the LAST infusion. It almost doesn’t feel real, and it’s hard to to accept the truth of it. Even harder, I think, will be the transition back to “real” life.

It’s funny. Looking back, I mention more than once how I miss my routine and schedule, when the fact is, I did (I do) have a routine and schedule, it just has the appearance of living in perpetual Groundhog’s Day than actual life. Week 1 sucks; week 2 sucks less; week 3 feels almost normal. Do it again. Six times. Reset. Reload. Reengage.

Everyone else’s life keeps moving forward. Mine keeps resetting every 3 weeks.

Now that we’re reaching the end of this portion, how do I prepare myself? What’s really important to me and my family? How have things changed? What things still need to change? How do I reconnect with the world I’ve shut myself away from the past 6 months?

It’s easy to ask the questions. Now it’s time to do the work to find the answers.

14 thoughts on “The Final Push

  1. Like a butterfly from its cocoon, you’ll fly away from this and back into a life you’re even more proud of.
    I love you everyday,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Probably end up with a new normal. You can’t go back, you can only go forward. And so you shall, wiser, healthier, and comparing everything you have to do to the past 6 months, so it shall all look like a walk in the park compared to that. Blessings on you and Kenji; may your Supreme Deity (if you have one; if not, I will) continue to shower you in love and light as you come back into the world that has missed you. Love you both.


  3. You have inspired many on your journey, confident you can kick butt in anything you attempt- yes I have the puppy dog face on..


  4. Oh, but you have been moving forward all this time. Now you have reached the end of this road and are ready to choose to turn left, or turn right. Congrats on your last round. I am so proud of your strength and your smile. Keep on keepin’ on, Jessica! See you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m trying to think of something meaningful, deep or just inspiring to say. But you’ve been the one saying the “Meaningful, deep and inspiring things”. You’re gonna be just fine Mrs Ishikawa. Lots of love to you and Kenji!

    Liked by 1 person

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