Well, my “coming out” party on Facebook was an overwhelming success. The outpouring of love and support… I grinned, I laughed, I cried as I read people’s comments. My heart feels so full.
I stared at the blinking cursor of my status update for easily 10 minutes, trying to figure out how to drop the bombshell. How much should I say? What should I say? I chose the blunt approach.
I don’t often say aloud “I have cancer” — in fact, pretty much never — so typing those words hit me hard. It had been a little while since I cried simply for that reason of having cancer. We give so much power to that little word. It’s a scary word. A word that embodies the vast unknown. Yet, that unknown is forcing change in my life; in a different way than when my mother’s passing from cancer forced change and perspective.
Then, I was a 24-year-old clueless semi-adult, just trying to do the best I could. I showed up. I repaired my relationship with my mom and strengthened my relationship with my brother.
This time, there’s space for self-reflection and growth that wasn’t available to me in my early 20s. I’m learning to release control (very slowly but surely). I’m finding calmness and peace when I find myself outside that happy place called my comfort zone.
Yes, I have cancer now. But I won’t for long.